Sunday, October 04, 2009


I have tried very hard not to have favorites... we try to make sure that all the kids and families are treated equally or as needs arise, but some times that is easier said then done... If you follow the blog, I am sure you have noticed. I have discussed this with a few friends here.... I want to make sure that we do not cross any boundaries, and that I keep a focus. One of my friends probably is not the person to ask... he has a house full of kids that he and his wife have assembled into a family from the orphanages he supports.... the other friend said to me..." Has it ever occurred to you that every child needs to be some one's favorite....and part of what you are doing here is to fill that roll"?..It is something I had not really thought of before... It is not easy to grow attached hurts ....So I admit it... we have many favorites... and I will also admit that we have a favorite... favorite.... We have a Kyrgyz daughter here ... she lives with us when we are in country , and is never out of our minds when we are not here. I had a good talk with her in the car today on our way back from the city... She started sharing how difficult her life has been, and that some times she wants to run and hide... and start a new life away from her family situation here... but knows that her brothers and sisters depend on her...but she shared that some times it is just to much.... I was so close to tears as I spoke with her... I shared that we wold love so much to do more to help her.. that as much as we would want to take her completely out of her life's situations, we know that she has a responsibility with her siblings... she is now almost 21 years old, in many ways she is far beyond her years, but in many other she has just started to live her childhood... She is beginning to understand that our love for her is not based on her actions, the things she says and the things she does, but that it runs much deeper then that.... I have been trying to explain to her what unconditional love is, but that concept is much harder or at least a little trickier when I am hear without my family.... it is sort of a mixed message.... "I love you and am always here for you", and at the same time, for the sake of those watching, and believe me everyone is watching, she knows that we can never be alone in the apartment.... so tonight after really beginning to opening up for the first time in the last year and a half, , and beginning to share what I believe will be the key to her own emotional healing, Jengish and I dropped her off back with her disfunctional family for the night ... this was planed, but what was not planed was that this would be the night that she opened up... So now I sit back at the apartment ... I am here alone for the first time since arriving a few weeks ago... I know that things always come together for a purpose, but I have seen and heard so much over the last few weeks, that I am not sure that tonight I want to be alone with my thoughts......


Hilary Marquis said...

You are NEVER alone.

Anonymous said...

John my friend, mentor, hero, as Hilary says, you are not alone with your thoughts... we all share them.. all that read your blog and live your adventure with you as best we can from here.
Pastor Ron spoke this morning about being placed here on earth in the most fertile soil HE can find for us. You my friend bare the most abundant and sweetest fruit of all........unconditional love..........we all feel it from we have no doubt that your Kygyz daughter and your family here in Canada know that they are well loved....

You are the blessing

Dan :)

Cindy LaJoy said...

John, it was obvious from the very beginning that your Kyrgyz daughter was your "real" daughter in every possible way but legally. As one who has been in your shoes in a little way I can truly understand your feelings. Oh, how it hurts to see the life she must live!! What IS your role to be for her? Where SHOULD the line be drawn? Is your purpose to support her as she lifts her siblings up and out of poverty and is the Light in her own dysfunctional home? Or is your role to save her from that? It must be unbearable to be her only real earthly father and have to send her back home at night. The appropriateness aside, those of us who have experienced it as well recognize that her age is just a number and I completely relate to you saying she is just beginning to have a childhood...and that is because of you and your family. God is SO using you, and your humility is what makes you "touchable" for so many who need to be touched. Your genuine love for your fellow man permeates everything you do, and I have not even met you in person. It is just obvious.

Why? Why does God do this? Why does it have to hurt so much to care? Why do our hearts have to ache with longing simply because we know someone is unloved and we have pure and untarnished love to offer but can't due to circumstances beyond our control.

But keep in mind John that NO love us a waste of time, no matter how limited it may be. She knows you love her, she sees you as her father, she has you to turn to in times of need. View your role in her live the same as you do your older kids who have already struck out on their own. Help her become ever more independent, help her MAKE a life for herself so she can escape if necessary and be able to take care of herself. Help her to feel you and all the Wright clan are always with her. You can not go back and help her regain the childhood she has lost. It is far too late for that no matter how much you'd love to do that. You can help her gain the adulthood she might not ever have if she doesn't have your strength, encouragement and support. She needs you in so many ways, and you ARE there for her. Continue with what you are doing, it is making an incredible difference.

And know in your heart that God gave her to you and your family for exactly this purpose. You ARE fulfilling that purpose, even if so often it feels like it is not enough.

Your best is enough, it is all you have to offer, it is all God asks of you.

You are a wise and oh-so-good man, John.