Favorites

I have tried very hard not to have favorites... we try to make sure that all the kids and families are treated equally or as needs arise, but some times that is easier said then done... If you follow the blog, I am sure you have noticed. I have discussed this with a few friends here.... I want to make sure that we do not cross any boundaries, and that I keep a focus. One of my friends probably is not the person to ask... he has a house full of kids that he and his wife have assembled into a family from the orphanages he supports.... the other friend said to me..." Has it ever occurred to you that every child needs to be some one's favorite....and part of what you are doing here is to fill that roll"?..It is something I had not really thought of before... It is not easy to grow attached sometimes..it hurts ....So I admit it... we have many favorites... and I will also admit that we have a favorite... favorite.... We have a Kyrgyz daughter here ... she lives with us when we are in country , and is never out of our minds when we are not here. I had a good talk with her in the car today on our way back from the city... She started sharing how difficult her life has been, and that some times she wants to run and hide... and start a new life away from her family situation here... but knows that her brothers and sisters depend on her...but she shared that some times it is just to much.... I was so close to tears as I spoke with her... I shared that we wold love so much to do more to help her.. that as much as we would want to take her completely out of her life's situations, we know that she has a responsibility with her siblings... she is now almost 21 years old, in many ways she is far beyond her years, but in many other she has just started to live her childhood... She is beginning to understand that our love for her is not based on her actions, the things she says and the things she does, but that it runs much deeper then that.... I have been trying to explain to her what unconditional love is, but that concept is much harder or at least a little trickier when I am hear without my family.... it is sort of a mixed message.... "I love you and am always here for you", and at the same time, for the sake of those watching, and believe me everyone is watching, she knows that we can never be alone in the apartment.... so tonight after really beginning to opening up for the first time in the last year and a half, , and beginning to share what I believe will be the key to her own emotional healing, Jengish and I dropped her off back with her disfunctional family for the night ... this was planed, but what was not planed was that this would be the night that she opened up... So now I sit back at the apartment ... I am here alone for the first time since arriving a few weeks ago... I know that things always come together for a purpose, but I have seen and heard so much over the last few weeks, that I am not sure that tonight I want to be alone with my thoughts......