We have been transferring money and ordering new crisp bills. We have been planning many exciting projects, and and figuring out how many operations we will be able to sponsor... We have been packing presents and collecting letters for our friends, as well as packing parcels that others have asked us to deliver.... There is so much to do, that it is easy to get distracted ... Yes Distracted from the real reason that we are going... Most of what we do, we can do right from Canada.. We have an incredible team on the ground that has done and will continue to put it all on the line for those that they are helping..... And I need to remember that first and foremost, this trip is to strengthen and encourage them in their vision... I need to be the wind behind their sails that will carry them until we re able to return again.... it is those incredible people we are privileged enough to call our friends that makes the difference in what we do. ... For example the last few weeks I have been getting short notes from Jengish asking how much longer.... he is so Kyrgyz... he has no concept of time... lol... but I know things are starting to get to him.... today he writes
Today was a sad day for me. One of my ex homeless guys relapsed and left the programme. Snuck out when I was not there. I don't really know where he went and what he is planning on doing... I don't really know why they don't want to stay alive. I mean, they all know that the streets represent death. Vodka represents death. But they keep going back to it... Like that dog that goes back to it's vomit.I sometimes get so tired... Just because, I see a person hurting and try to help them... I want them to do well, you know, because I love them and I want them to be normal again, I want them to go back to their families. I work my butt off serving them, making sure that their needs are met, but then, they get better and they feel like they can make it on their own. That they don't need our help anymore. So they leave, and they all eventually die.
I was thinking, I can't even count how many of them left and died on the street.I could fill a whole wall with photos of homeless guys, my guys, that died on the street. The ones that stayed, and went through the programme, they are doing great. But there were so many of them that went back on the streets, because they felt like... I don't what they felt to be honest. When you ask they all give you the same stupid answers. They say that they are ready, they need to go back and take care of stuff. They go back and drink their lives away. Fools. My heart aches for them. They are all dead now.
I mean, what do you do? If they don't want to live it's their choice, right? But, I wish it was easy to just say that. I wish it didn't hurt when they decided to go back to drinking. It, really, is not easy. I get attached to them and it breaks my heart when they make bad decisions.
So anyway, I'm very sad. My guy is on the street.. Who knows how long he will survive. Of course I'll try to find him. I'll try to talk some sense into him. I'll make him come with me if I have to. I'll take him to my apartment if I have to. I've invested too much time and emotional energy (or whatever you call it) to just give up. That guy better hide well, because I'm going to find him . I don't want him to die Dangit
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